dear nobody,

i have too many regrets.
but my life is good.
i wish it was better.
but who doesn't.


i love music.
basically all kinds.
depending on the day.


i love nature.
nature is great.
you're lame if you don't like nature.


i suck at school.
and everything school related.
except for creative writing.
idk maybe i suck at creative writing.
but i love it.


i don't think this post is very hipster.
or makes much sense.
yeah this reveal sucks.
but i'm just trynna be raw.
because if there's anything i learned in this class.
it's to be raw.
be me.


& this is me.

jordan yarn.





nonexistent spark.

it started out as a small spark.

our spark was different from all of the others.

our spark didn't fly

like all the others.

&  our spark

never grew

into a giant fire

like all the others.

& as soon as i realized who you really were

i dumped a bucket of water on it.

that small

meaningless

spark.

it's gone.

& now,

now that spark is nonexistent.

it's gone forever.

and i'm glad.

***

j3b5W2kq3N9rvk3S

we are not different than robots.

robots are different than us.

we made them.

we made them different than us.

they don't have minds

or hearts

like mine & yours.

but my mind

& my heart

is different than yours.

because they are different 

than us,

& we are different 

than each other.

3-8-16; draft

you used to give me smiles & butterflies.

now you give me goosebumps, & not the good kind.

forgotten dream

even though it felt so real.

it was just a dream.

that turned into a nightmare.

and i woke up.

but you didn't.

you eventually did.

but it was too late.

reality had already killed me.

and now you're just a forgotten dream.

but it's ok.

because i forget most of my dreams.

you make me feel like the ocean

you make me feel like the ocean.

every time i see you
i get sweaty palms,
wet like the ocean.

every time our eyes lock,
it feels like a school of minnows are swimming around in my stomach.

my heart is like a coral reef,
and every time we connect
it grows.
and as my heart grows,
our love grows.


one day
maybe
this coral reef will grow
into a giant
beautiful
plant.
and
one day
maybe
our hearts will grow
into a giant
beautiful
love.

& it will be grand.

broken crayon

when we were younger we acted like grown ups.
now that we're older we want to act like kids.

no more throwing fits.
now we actually have to deal with shit.

shit.

when i was younger i would throw broken or dull crayons away.
they were useless to me.
they weren't long enough for my hands
or sharp enough to draw good lines.
and if you tried to use them they'd end up
just breaking into more pieces.

i am a broken crayon.
i've been broken my whole life.
it started with a small crack.

now i'm broken into 2,497,183 pieces and counting.

my mom & dad never gave up on me.

i never gave up on me.

each chunk of crayon represents a part of me.
each chunk of crayon draws a different picture in my life.
some i use often.
others not.

but my crayon will never run out.

i may die.
but the broken crayon will stay
with everyone that helped me break all those pieces.

because that broken crayon makes me who i am.

color: unknown

unseen

i saw you today.

you looked towards me.

but i don't think you saw me.

you just looked through me.

time

it's 9:38 on a sunday night
& i don't know what to write about.
*9:39*

there's a billion things i could write about. *9:40*

which topic would be perfect for right now
at *9:41* on a sunday night.


time.
it feels like it's always running out *9:42*
but
time is never ending

sure there are better times to do things
*9:43* but everything is still ok.
cause time is still going.
*9:44*

the clock is still ticking
and it will never stop.

unless your clock is broken.

but if your clock never breaks
*9:45* it will never stop ticking.

time is never ending,
but it is better if we still use it wisely.

because with or without *9:46* time
we are still human
& everything we do affects us.
for the better or for the worse.

& even though time is infinite
this life is not.
so use it as you should.
*9:47*

daydreaming

Daydream: to think pleasant and usually wishful thoughts while awake.

not a day goes by that i don't daydream about you.
i am in a constant daze thinking about you.

i would say that daydreaming is a habit of mine,
but i consider it a part of me.
i consider you a part of me.
you mean the world to me.
you are my world.

i wish that we could just work out.

you seem so perfect.
i'm sure that you would beg to differ.
but you're perfect to me; through my eyes.
you're flawless.
everything about you is flawless; inside and out.
you're just amazing.

i will never stop falling in love with you.
and i will never stop daydreaming about you.

rather be human

if i were a hat
i would like to be worn by someone with clean hair.
okay.
i'm done talking about hats.
i prefer to be human.
but not like all of the other humans.
i am my own kind.
i wear different clothes than you;
i talk differently than you;
i brush my teeth different than you;
i have a different blog than you;
i have a completely different personality than you;
i do everything different than you do;
and even if we're doing the same thing,
we are doing it differently.
it's as if we live in a television;
and we are each individually being filmed
to make 7 billion completely different documentaries.
                                                                                 

some say
that we are all the same.
no.
we are all unique.
we all deserve a chance.
we are all here for a reason.
some of us may know the reason.
some may not.
some of us may know how to solve for x.
some may not.
we are all different.
because we are all our own kind; type; sort.

population: 1

although we are in every way our own.
know this;
we are most definitely not ever alone.

the real-real me

hello, my name is kip catalano. that is not my real name, and that name has no real meaning to anybody except for me. i use this fake name so that you don't judge me for what you read here. only i know the real-real me. some  may think that they know the real-real me, but they don't know even close to all of who i am.

i am here to be the real-real me.
i am here to show YOU who i really am.
i am here to express myself.
i am here to make a real blog with my real thoughts.
i am here to BE ME.

i am here.
am i here?
here i am.
hello.

welcome
to my real-real blog with posts from the real-real me using real-real thoughts from my real-real brain inside my real-real body living in this fake-real world.

yes. we live in a fake-real world. where fake-real people like me are afraid to show their real-real selves. it is a rare sight to see somebody in this world show their real-real self.

i'm hoping to make this fake-real world one step closer to being a real-real world. and don't think that you can't make a difference too. because if you be the real-real you, we can fix this fake-real world. together.